Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
