I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
