Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
