I cannot find my penis.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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