Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
