I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
