i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize