I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
