How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize