What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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