Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
