the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
