Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
