i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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