Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's Friday. Sex?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
