you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
