He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
