I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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