I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
