Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
