The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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