How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
