we have officially lost it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
