I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
