problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
