I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
