ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
