Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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