That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
