A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
