dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I came so hard my ears popped.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
