She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
