Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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