Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize