i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
3 2 1 whiskey
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
