It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
