They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize