All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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