look no pants
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
