Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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