Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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