Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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