If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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