not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
