Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
