it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
