so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
