i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
