I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
