She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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