i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
