My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
