this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
