Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
