I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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