help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
