last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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