Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
