Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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