Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
