Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
