Do you still have your period?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize