Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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